


please ignore my blushing cheeks

by thinksleep



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Derek Hale & Stiles Stilinski are the Same Age, Derek Hale is a Failwolf, Fluff, M/M, Matchmaker Cora Hale, Matchmaker Laura Hale, The Hales are Still Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:54:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22452211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thinksleep/pseuds/thinksleep
Summary: Based on the ‘crossroadswrite’ tumblr post:‘my favorite trope is honestly when someone is saying something inappropriate completely unaware that there is a werewolf hearing them likestiles: derek is so cute, I just want to give him nice things, you know, like ice cream and blowjobsderek: *trips headfirst into a trashcan*.’
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Comments: 25
Kudos: 985





	please ignore my blushing cheeks

**Author's Note:**

> I am on a spree of finishing fics I started five years ago. Also warning, I am British, so this is my best guess for an American high school, apologies for any British-ism that snuck in.

Derek hated being a werewolf. 

Or rather, he hated being a werewolf in high school. The noise was horrific, the smell was worse, and the body spray used to cover it up should be classified as an airborne weapon and banned under the Geneva Convention. 

Being a werewolf in high school wasn’t nearly as cool as Michael J. Fox made it look. 

Derek was still scrawny and waiting for the muscles that his dad and Uncle Peter promised him were coming any day now. He was hairy everywhere except his baby face, where he couldn’t even grow stubble, despite his brows, which Laura kept threatening to pluck as thin as hers. To top it off, apparently lycanthropy didn’t cover teeth, so Derek had been stuck with braces for the first two years of high school, although his ‘bunny teeth’ as Laura teased, were still there. 

His sisters seemed to take it with an ease Derek wished he had. Laura, a year older and in her final year, had sailed through high school and had never been short of admirers or friends. Cora, who was a freshman, seemed to be on the same path as their sister, albeit, also determined to be on every single sports team there was. 

Derek would be happy for some more people who wanted to play Dungeons and Dragons, and maybe to have the ability to vanish from human sight. 

A date with Stiles Stilinski would also be on the list if he were wishing for things, but it seemed unlikely to happen. 

At least this year Boyd had started dating Erica and she had wanted to join their D&D group with Isaac. Derek kept reminding himself that four was a good number for a D&D group, and he wouldn’t want to ruin it by inviting Stiles, who would undoubtedly bring Scott. No matter how many cute moles the former had, it was for the best. 

Derek loved his sisters dearly, but at the same time he couldn’t wait until Laura graduated at the end of the year. He would probably miss her when she went to NYU, but at least it would hinder her attempts to meddle in his love life. He wasn’t deluded enough to think that a mere 2500 miles would stop his sister completely. 

“He’s totally in love with you, I don’t understand why you don’t just strap on a pair and say something.” Laura said. She and Derek had to wait for Cora to finish lacrosse practice before Laura could drive them all home. Laura had turned the time into ‘bully Derek’ time.

“He’s not in love with me Laura. He loves curly fries, Star Wars, and Lydia Martin.” Derek had mostly stopped trying to creepily eavesdrop on Stiles’ lunch table since freshman year, his heart couldn’t stand it. Thankfully the classes he had with Stiles, he never mentioned Lydia. It didn’t stop him from being endearing, smart, and witty though, and Derek’s heart never really stood a chance anyway. 

Laura groaned and rolled her eyes, “Please, I haven’t heard him mention Lydia since you were in freshman year, I do however constantly hear him mooning over you to his friend Scott. What’s the point in you having super powered hearing if you don’t use it?” 

Derek grumbled, Laura was clearly mistaken as Stiles would never go for someone like him. Stiles was gorgeous; his eyes, his nose, the moles dotted around his face, the way he moved his whole body when he spoke, the way he threw his whole head back when he laughed, his sense of humor, his scent. Derek could literally talk for hours about Stiles, and had one evening when Peter had slipped him wolfsbane laced alcohol at a family party, and Derek had talked Laura’s ear off about Stiles for an hour, and now she wouldn’t let it go. 

“Hey, speak of the devil,” Laura said, “Hey Stiles!” she shouted across the parking lot towards where Stiles and Scott were clearly heading out from lacrosse practice.

Stiles looked over and grinned, “Hey Derek!” Stiles waved and somehow tripped over. He managed to right himself before he hit the ground, “I’m alright!” He waved again before turning his back.

He and Scott made their way over to Stiles’ Jeep. The amount of fantasies Derek had about making out with Stiles in that Jeep probably bordered on unhealthy. 

“See!” Laura said. 

“Hm?” Derek said, annoyed at being pulled out of his daydream. He’d never been to the infamous Make Out Point, he wondered if Stiles had.

“He literally didn’t acknowledge me, despite the fact I was the one to say hi to him.”

“I’m sure he said hi to both of us.” Derek couldn’t really remember, Stiles had looked so cute with his cheeks red after almost falling over.

“He definitely did not.” Laura said, “What about how he was literally just complaining to Scott about how he always embarrasses himself in front of you?”

“When?”

“After they got in Stiles’ car.”

“Oh.” Derek didn’t really want to admit why he’d been distracted, “I didn’t hear that.”

Laura thumped her head on the car, “You are the worst werewolf in the world.”

Derek was just wondering if he could add the Camaro to his fantasy make out sessions with Stiles.

The car was a ridiculous present off Uncle Peter for Laura’s eighteenth birthday, a sleek black Camaro, and it would look completely stupid if it wasn’t Laura, who was the most popular girl at the school and could actually pull it off. She’d promised it to Derek when she left for New York. 

Derek on the other hand, could not pull it off. He wasn’t sexy enough for a car like that. He was a momma’s boy, with bunny teeth, and bed sheets with wolf print on them. He could not pull off a muscle car. 

He wondered if he spent the summer before senior year in Peter’s gym, and ate nothing but protein shakes and energy bars whether he could come back having shot up several inches in height, looking buff, and having somehow grown a beard. He would rock up in the car he now suited and ask Stiles out on a date. 

It was a completely unrealistic fantasy, besides, Derek wasn’t sure if he could go a whole summer without Moose tracks ice cream. 

“Thank god Cora’s here, I need someone sane to talk to.” Laura said, pushing off the car, “I need a new topic or I might strangle you.”

Cora dumped her stuff in the boot, and climbed in the back.

“How was practice?” Derek asked, because as much as they annoyed him, they were still his sisters, and he loved them.

“Stiles spent the entire time mooning over Derek, he would not shut up.”

Derek took it back, he hated his sisters, and he was walking the five miles home from now on.

“Urgh, tell me about it.” Laura said, as she pulled the car out of the parking lot, “At least you haven’t had this one telling you ‘he’s not in love with me Laura, he’s too perfect, blah, blah, blah’”

“I don’t sound like that.”

Cora leaned in towards him from the back seat, and said in her slowest and most patronizing voice, “Stiles and Scott literally spend the entire time warming the bench and coming up with ways to ask you out, well, Stiles does, Scott just looks pained. I don’t blame him, it’s bad enough hearing it across the field.”

“He does not. Look I appreciate your meddling, well, no I don’t, but I have been in the same high school as Stiles for nearly three full years, if he’d said something about me, I would have heard.”

Laura grumbled something about him being the worst werewolf in the world, but Cora got an incredibly wicked smile on her face. Laura having seen it in the rearview mirror made a mental note to get in on whatever nefarious plan her sister had. 

Derek, who was staring moodily out the passenger side window, missed it.

*

Derek entered the school the next day completely oblivious to the shark-like grins on his sister’s faces. 

“See you later Derek.” Laura and Cora chorused in creepy, cheerful unison.

Derek paused, wondering if he was going to die. He shrugged and made his way to his first class, whatever his sisters had planned was going to happen to him regardless of whether or not he tried to stop it. Derek had found the best use of his time over the years was not to waste time worry about it. 

Cora grabbed him after his first class and dragged him to outside his English class.

“I don’t have this class until this afternoon, Cora.”

Cora, predictably, ignored him. She opened her locker, and shoved him behind it so his face was screened from the classroom door.

“I’ve got Spanish next, I’m going to be late.” His class was right next to his last class, he always like to get there early, it was one of his few classes with Stiles and he always arrived before him, meaning he got to look without judgment when Stiles walked through the door. Stiles would always smile and wave at him, before sitting the other side of the room with Scott. 

Derek was not ashamed to say he looked forward to Spanish class simply to stare at Stiles. His mum had made sure he and his siblings were fluent growing up, so he could daydream during that class without fear of falling behind.

“Shut up and listen.” Cora said.

Stiles and Scott came out of the English class, Stiles’ cheeks were flushed, “I’m just saying Derek would make a great Darcy, he totally frowny on the outside but he’s all shy, and marshmallow-y on the inside, plus I bet he would look great in regency wear.” 

“All I said is you can’t write your paper on that.”

Stiles mumbled what sounded suspiciously like ‘could too’, “Have you seen? He’s wearing his Wonder Woman shirt today,”

Scott groaned, “Not the Wonder Woman shirt,”

Derek self-consciously picked at the hem of his shirt, he knew it was one of his older ones, so it was almost completely worn, and too tight now, but he loved this shirt.

“How dare you disrespect that shirt!” Stiles’ mouth dropped in mock horror, “That shirt is incredibly dear to my heart,”

“Yeah,” Scott scoffed, “Your heart,”

“My love is pure,” Stiles insisted, and by that point they were out of hearing for even werewolf ears.

“See?” Cora said.

Derek’s attention snapped back to her, and he realized the corridor was getting empty; he was definitely going to be late. 

“So he likes my shirt, Stiles likes DC.” 

Cora looked like she was about to smack him, “And the whole Darcy thing?” 

“He’s just studying it,” Derek said uncertainly, it was nice that Stiles thought Derek was marshmallow-y inside. He was pretty sure that was a compliment. Also Derek had a soft spot for Pride and Prejudice, he’d read and watched every iteration of it, often finding it easy to slot Stiles in as the witty and intelligent Elizabeth Bennet. 

“They’re definitely not studying it.” Cora said. 

He thought that Scott and Allison probably fit quite well as Jane and Bingley. Allison seemed cool, Derek could totally be hypothetical friends with Allison. 

The bell rang, and Derek realized Cora had stormed off in a huff. 

He sprinted to his class, apologizing profusely to his teacher in Spanish. Derek was her favorite so she just waved him to his seat.

Stiles turned in his seat and gave Derek a blinding smile, and Derek spent the whole of the lesson doodling Stiles in regency wear. 

*

“Derek!” Laura called from down the hallway, and came jogging up to him, “Just the guy I was looking for. Come with me right now.”

“What? Why? Is something wrong?” Laura just grabbed his arm and dragged him along after her.

Derek thought about that woman Kate, who’d given him her number and told him to call her if he wanted a date. She’d been really pretty, and Derek had been wondering if he’d feel more confident about asking Stiles out on a date if he went on one first. 

Laura had caught her talking to Derek and threatened to call the police. Apparently she was ten years older than him, and Laura suspected a rogue hunter. Derek knew it was too good to be true that someone was interested in him, and figured it was probably for the best she’d ended up in prison.

After him, she’d propositioned Cora, who was only fourteen. Cora played along and texted her, and then took all the texts to the police. She also broke Kate’s arm, and Derek had never been so proud of his sister, and also so ashamed of himself. 

His sisters were constantly rescuing him, just once he’d like to return the favor.

“What’s wrong Laura?” 

Laura came to a halt at the end of a hallway, “Good they’re still talking,” she grabbed his cheeks and said very seriously, “Just listen.”

Derek did as he was told, he could hear two male voices talking about how hot Laura was, he was pretty sure they were the two large guys on the lacrosse field in Laura’s year. He spotted them at the end of the hall. Derek frowned; these were the guys who constantly knocked Stiles and Scott over in practice. 

“She’s like super hot,”

“And you know Cora’s gonna be the same.”

“Dude she’s like fourteen,”

“Yeah but she’s totally gonna be a hottie, she’s like her sister.”

Derek frowned, “Do you want me to beat them up?” 

Laura patted his cheek, “No you cupcake, they do this every week just listen.”

Derek scrunched his nose, if Laura had been bothered on her own behalf she would have done something already, “But they’re talking about Cora.”

“I’ve told Cora, she’s going to deal with it herself.” 

Derek sighed and listened. 

“Not even like you need to worry about their brother,”

“Ha, that scrawny thing, I’m sure Cora has a stronger right hook than that guy,”

Derek frowned; Cora did have a stronger right hook than him. He wondered if Laura would let him know when Cora was going to confront these two. It would be fun to watch, even though Derek was not normally a violent person.

“Why are you making me listen to this?” Derek whispered.

“Just wait.”

Derek heard Stiles before he saw him. He and Scott were arguing about whether Aquaman could still communicate with amphibious animals when they’re on land. Derek desperately wanted to correct the point Scott had just made.

“Oi Bilinski,” One of the guys shouted.

Stiles groaned, “Here we go again.”

“Again?” Derek asked Laura.

“I told you this happens every week,” 

Derek watched in dread, as Stiles and Scott got closer to them. There’s no way these guys beat Stiles up, Laura wouldn’t stand by and let that happen every week. Laura was not the type to let people get away with bullying. 

“What happens every week?”

“Don’t worry, I normally go over a scare them off, I thought you should hear it before I do though.”

Derek looked back to where Stiles and Scott were now stood in front of the two guys. Derek was sure their names were Josh and Brett, and really, any parent who named their child Brett was just asking for him to be an asshole. It was like naming your child Chad, or Jackson. 

Derek may have his own issues with Jackson.

“You’re right on time,” Josh said, “We were just talking about your boyfriend, you here to defend him?”

“Does this not get old to you?” Stiles said, with confidence Derek knew he was putting on, “We’re going through the same script week after week, you not fancy a new topic of conversation? We’re talking about Aquaman if you want to join?”

“Bet you were nerd, does your boyfriend know you’re talking nerdy with someone else?” Brett said, and he and Josh laughed.

“Bet you all suck each other’s cocks.” Josh added.

“More action than you’ve ever got.” Stiles said, and Scott was trying to tug him away, “Or are you still talking to us because you know Laura is going to come over, and her kicking your asses is as close as you’re going to get to a woman.”

Brett stopped laughing, he grabbed the front of Stiles’ shirt and leaned in, “Looks like she’s a little distracted at the moment with your boyfriend, maybe we can get a few punches in before she notices.”

Derek was stalking towards them before he realized what he was doing.

“Hey.” Derek said, which was about as far as his bravado went. All four of them turned to stare at him, he was pretty sure Laura was also staring at him in shock from behind him. 

“Oh look, it’s the lovebird.” Brett didn’t let go of Stiles. 

Derek wasn’t sure what to do now. He couldn’t intimidate Brett and Josh, and there was no way he could fight them and win. 

Josh took a few steps towards Derek, “What’s the matter, cat got your tongue?” 

Derek could hear Laura coming up to his rescue behind him, but he wanted to do this one himself. 

“I know that you’re a straight A student and you’re totally going to get into Standford so you shouldn’t worry about it.” Derek blurted out. He’d overheard Josh talking on the phone to his mum in the car about it after lacrosse one day. 

“What?” Josh frowned.

“Dude you didn’t tell me you wanted to go to Standford.” Brett said.

“And you could definitely do your artwork for a living,” Derek said to Brett, “I saw your sketchbook. I think my Uncle has some connections at a indie animation studio, I could talk to him about getting you some work experience there?”

Admittedly Derek had nosed through the notebook when he’d found it left in the art room, he’d been astonished when a suspicious looking Brett had come and quickly snapped it off the side, before heading out at speed. 

“I- yeah, thanks.” Brett sounded unsure, but he let go of Stiles’ shirt all the same. 

“I’ll talk to him tonight.” Derek said, and then gave them his best ‘now go away’ stare.

“Thanks,” Brett said uncertainly. He looked between Derek, and Laura who had now appeared behind him, “Okay, well, see you around then.” He and Josh turned and made their way down the hallway quickly, whispering to themselves.

Great, now Derek was going to have to ask Uncle Peter for a favor. 

“Dude,” Stiles said quietly.

“How did you do that?” Scott said.

“You totally complimented them into leaving us alone.” Stiles laughed, he pointed to Derek’s shirt, “Diana would be proud. You’re a regular Wonder Woman, I mean man, not that there’s anything wrong with being a woman, but you’re not, not to assume but-”

Laura snorted and decided to put Stiles out of his misery, “He is isn’t he,”

Derek shrugged and tried to play it off, he was just glad it had actually worked, “Mum always said the best way to throw someone off when they’re being mean is to compliment them. They’re not expecting it, and it’s hard to respond back to and so they normally go away.” 

Laura nodded solemnly, “Although it’s not surprising, Derek loves pretending to be Woman Women, he has a Wonder Woman dress up at home.”

“Laura.” 

Stiles squeaked, and turned red, “I have to go now.” He grabbed Scott’s hand and dragged him down the hallway. 

“Laura, I can’t believe you told him that.” It had been a Halloween costume, but Derek sometimes did his homework in it because it made him feel good. No one was supposed to know though. 

“You honestly have the worst luck. Normally Brett and Josh stand here and slate you in front of Stiles and he goes and defends you until I get bored of listening and go over. I believe he once used the phrases ‘adonis’ and ‘bilingual sex god’”

Derek blushed, “You’re exaggerating.” 

“I wish I was,” Laura sighed heavily, “This is impossible, you’re impossible.”

*

Derek was avoiding his sisters. He loved them dearly, but in a way that also meant he sometimes wished he were an only child.

Even worse, next year Uncle Peter’s daughter was starting high school, and she and Cora were sure to form an unholy alliance. 

He knew the end of the day he was going to have to wait with Laura because Cora had lacrosse practice. Derek wanted desperately to just go and watch the practice but he was scared Laura would take the opportunity to shout obscenities to Stiles on his behalf. 

Last class had finished and Derek was about to stake out a spot in the library until Cora had finished, when he heard Stiles’ voice again. He and Scott were heading to the locker rooms. Derek tried to work out if there was an alternate route to the library that didn’t involve following in Stiles and Scott’s direction for the next two hallways.

Derek had done enough eavesdropping for today.

“But Scott, he’s gorgeous and perfect!” Stiles moaned.

Derek sped up, trying to listen to who Stiles was talking about. He’d only ever heard Stiles talk about Lydia, and in fairness to Laura, he hadn’t heard him mention her in a while. Stiles was talking about a man though.

“You’ve only told me a thousand times.” Scott said, “Just ask him out already.”

Stiles gasped for dramatic effect, “You can’t just ask out Derek Hale, I think it’s considered blasphemy. What if he says no? What if he says yes?”

Derek tripped over his own feet. Stiles was talking about him? 

“Seriously, you can’t just keep pining.” Scott said, “I’m begging you, or at least, please learn to pine quietly.”

“It’s not my fault,” Stiles said, “I just want him to be happy, you know?”

Hope bubbled in Derek’s chest as he strained to hear what Stiles said next. He dodged a freshman he’d almost run into, he needed to start watching where he was going.

Stiles sighed, “I just want to give him nice things, you know, like ice cream, and blowjobs.”

Derek tripped head first into a bin. 

The shock of it made him lose track of whatever Stiles and Scott were saying as they carried on to the lockers oblivious to what had just happened. 

Derek started wriggling to try and get himself out, unfortunately his backpack was weighed down with books and pressing on his back, making it difficult to remove himself. 

He was suddenly dragged out of the bin to the joint disapproving faces of his sisters.

“I swear we’re not related sometimes.” Laura said. 

Cora just raised a pointed eyebrow, and then headed off to the locker rooms. 

*

“So what do I do now?” Derek asked. He and Laura were back by the car waiting for Cora to finish up. 

“You ask him out.”

“What if he says no?”

“You know he’s going to say yes.”

“But what if-”

“Derek.” Laura said seriously, placing her hands on both his shoulders, “I’m only going to say this once, because you’re my brother and I’d rather not know this, but if you asked Stiles to give you a blowjob in this parking lot, he would a hundred percent immediately get down on his knees,”

“Laura!”

“Good, you’re blushing. He likes that. Do you know how I know that? Because I hear him mooning over you every goddamn day, and have done increasingly over the last three years. He thought your braces were cute Derek. Your braces. Clearly Stiles is terminally gone on you.”

“But-”

“Ah.”

“I-”

“Nope.”

“He-”

Laura growled at him. 

Derek stopped arguing. He had heard Stiles say he thought he was gorgeous, and Stiles already knew about his love of dressing up as Wonder Woman so really, how much more embarrassed could Derek get today?

Unless Stiles said no, and Derek got his heart crushed. 

Stiles and Scott started their way across the parking lot.

“I can do this.” Derek said. 

Laura waited a second, and then when Derek didn’t move, pushed him towards Stiles. 

Derek tried steeling himself as he walked over.

“Hey.” He said, his heart was beating so loudly in his chest he was slightly worried his mom would be able to hear it from five miles away. That was just what he needed, his mom to come running over thinking he was in mortal peril. 

“Hi,” Stiles said, grin stretching across his face. He was slightly sweaty and the scent was doing things to Derek. Derek thought wildly he probably was in mortal peril.

“I just wanted- I mean, I was wondering if, I- you-” Derek tried to breathe but his throat had gone completely dry. 

“I’m going to go wait in the car.” Scott said, and hastily climbed into the Jeep. 

“I wanted to ask you out on a date.” Derek said, glad the words had come out, even if he sounded like a robot when he said them. 

He could hear Laura whisper ‘Oh dear god’ to herself. 

“Really?” Stiles said. He clearly noted the dawning look of horror on Derek’s face because he quickly said, “I mean, yes, completely, totally, yes. I would love to.”

Derek sighed in relief. He could hear Cora coming out of the school so he quickly steeled himself again before he lost his nerve. 

He leaned over and gave Stiles a quick peck on the cheek, although Derek mostly caught the edge of his mouth. Derek was okay with pretending it was on accident. 

“Saturday? We could go for milkshakes and curly fries?” 

Stiles was already nodding his head, “Great, I’d love that. Let’s do it. Um, I’m going to go before I embarrass myself any more, okay, bye.” He kissed Derek quickly on the mouth before quickly retreating to his car. 

Derek grinned, and gave Laura a thumbs up when he headed back over. Cora was with her giving Derek an unimpressed look.

“You both have no game, and deserve each other.” 

“Aw, leave him be,” Laura ruffled his hair and pinched his cheeks, “He’s in wuv.”

Derek batted her hands away, but he couldn’t get a smile off his face. 

“Admit it,” Cora said smugly, “We were totally right, and my plan totally worked. Three years you pined, a day it took me.” 

Derek rolled his eyes, but didn’t disagree. He had a date on Saturday, with Stiles. He couldn’t stop thinking about Stiles’ lips, he wondered if a first date was too soon for making out. The ice cream and blowjobs was probably more of a third date thing. 

Derek couldn’t wait.

.  
.  
.

(Stiles eventually found out about werewolves, and therefore werewolf hearing, he then purposefully started talking about Derek where he knew Derek could hear. 

Laura had never been so glad she had graduated, and Cora would totally regret her plan, because it was a thousand times worse now, except her stupid big brother was constantly smiling. 

Besides Stiles and Derek were graduating soon enough themselves, she could put up with it until then.)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :) I was going to call this 'Ice Cream and Blowjobs' but it seemed misleading given neither of those actually happen in this fic, however, if anyone wants to write the smutty sequel under that heading be my guest (just please let me know because I want to read it but I'm terrible at writing smut)
> 
> X


End file.
